PHRASES AVOIDED IN GOOD SOCIETY, It can be challenging to pinpoint why certain words and phrases are shunned by well-bred individuals, even though these expressions are acceptable by linguistic standards. It’s simply a matter of fact that such people consistently avoid them, and this has been the case for generations. Interestingly, there is no official guidebook that dictates these choices, yet they are observed widely in literature and the conduct of refined society.
PHRASES AVOIDED IN GOOD SOCIETY
To draw a comparison, Best Society operates much like a fraternity, where the avoidance of specific terms becomes a subtle sign of belonging. Members of this social circle instinctively use certain expressions while steering clear of others. When someone unfamiliar with these nuances employs a frowned-upon phrase, it instantly reveals that they are not part of this world—much like how an outsider attempting to imitate a secret fraternity might unknowingly expose themselves.
Speech patterns are one of the easiest ways to recognize a person of high social standing. Appearances, however, can often be deceptive. Someone may look the part, dressed impeccably and postured elegantly, yet a simple utterance such as “My Gawd!” or “Wouldn’t that jar you!” quickly shatters the illusion of sophistication.
Interestingly, overtly vulgar slang may not even be the worst offense; rather, it is the artificial elegance attempted by those unfamiliar with proper society that betrays them. For instance, individuals who say “I come,” “I seen it,” or “I done it” may have had limited formal education, yet they often appear genuine, and their authenticity is appreciated by those who know them. On the other hand, those who put on airs, using phrases like “Pardon me,” “retiring,” “residing,” or “attending” while emphasizing “cultured” gestures such as curling a pinky around a teacup, inadvertently reveal their lack of true refinement. Such pretension, often more common among women than men, immediately marks them as outsiders to Best Society.
A sincere, kind-hearted individual with intelligence and ability can navigate nearly any social circle and earn a warm reception, no matter where they go. This person has no need to mimic the manners of others or diminish those who are less fortunate. It is their authenticity and natural approach that allows them to move seamlessly through various societal layers, welcomed for who they truly are.
In refined circles, it’s not uncommon to encounter individuals whose speech reveals a strong influence from Biblical language. Such people often speak with a simplicity and grace that gives their words a natural dignity. Indeed, one of the best ways to develop a refined vocabulary is by reading high-quality English literature consistently. The language found in these works rarely, if ever, includes expressions that would be deemed inappropriate in polite society.
However, it’s worth noting that popularity doesn’t necessarily equate to literary quality. Many bestsellers lack the enduring value that defines well-crafted English. Developing an ear for the very best English requires time and a specialized understanding of language nuances, though identifying subpar English is much easier. Simply skimming through a page of a book can often reveal the quality of its language. If it contains phrases considered improper in polished society—except in a context meant to illustrate vulgarity—it’s a clear sign that the author may not adhere to high literary standards or social refinement.
Here are a few examples of language choices in everyday conversation. The “incorrect” forms are typically avoided by those with a polished command of English, while the “correct” alternatives are preferred:
| Avoid Saying | Instead, Say |
|---|---|
| In our residence we retire early | At our house, we go to bed early |
| I desire to purchase | I’d like to buy |
| Pardon me! | I beg your pardon, or Excuse me! |
| Lovely food | Good food |
| Elegant home | Beautiful house |
| A stylish dresser | She dresses well |
| Charmed! or Pleased to meet you! | How do you do? |
| Attended | Went to |
| I trust I am not trespassing | I hope I am not in the way |
| Permit me to assist you | Let me help you |
| Brainy | Brilliant or clever |
| Converse | Talk |
| Residence or mansion | House or big house |
| Phone, photo, auto | Telephone, photograph, automobile |
Some phrases are more comical than offensive but nonetheless reflect pretentiousness. For example, referring to a bell as a “tintinnabulary summons” or a cow’s tail as a “bovine continuation” serves as a reminder that exaggerated language often detracts from clarity and style.
Expressions that tend to be overly ornate or pompous, such as “Pray, accept my thanks for the flattering ovation you have tendered me,” sound contrived. Similarly, an overly formal phrase like, “Will you permit me to recall myself to you?” gives an artificial air to the conversation. Even seemingly harmless phrases like “box party” for a theater outing, or “reckon” for “think” carry a distinctly provincial tone. While these aren’t necessarily offensive, those aiming for polished language may wish to avoid them.
Ultimately, the essence of refined speech lies in simplicity and sincerity. Authentic language is neither overly casual nor unnaturally elaborate, and those who speak with genuine ease and grace are most often those welcomed in all corners of Best Society.
Some words in the English language have suffered from overuse and misuse, rendering them nearly meaningless. Once, “elegant” conveyed a refined sense of beauty and sophistication, but it has since become associated with garishness. “Refined” is similarly on the brink of losing its value. However, the true casualty of this trend is the word “culture.” Often misused by those who misunderstand it, “culture” has started to carry connotations of vulgarity and superficial imitation. The term is rarely used by those who genuinely embody it, yet it’s frequently invoked by people who misinterpret it to mean something as trivial as proper dining etiquette or the ability to introduce people without error. True culture is far more than mere social polish; it represents a broad and deep education coupled with exceptional refinement and taste.
Slang, while often creative and expressive, poses a temptation that can detract from one’s language. While offensive or crude slang is obviously out of place, certain casual terms like “flivver,” “taxi,” “movies,” “deadly” (as in dull), and “feeling blue” add color to spoken language without necessarily lowering its quality. Colloquial expressions are minor imperfections in the garden of eloquent speech; the real threat to linguistic quality is pretentious language masquerading as elegance. This type of false refinement is like a blight, weakening the foundation of good communication.
In making language choices, we can take inspiration from Alexander Pope’s lines:
“In words, as fashions, the same rule will hold;
Alike fantastic, if too new, or old:
Be not the first by whom the new are tried,
Nor yet the last to lay the old aside.”
These words remind us that balance is key. Too much innovation in speech can be as jarring as clinging to outdated expressions. A sophisticated vocabulary doesn’t have to exclude slang or colloquial language altogether; it simply avoids the trap of hollow pretentiousness, finding a graceful balance between clarity and flair.
PRONUNCIATION
When considering regional accents, it’s essential to distinguish between speech patterns shaped by cultural heritage and those born from a lack of formal education. A person with Irish ancestry may speak with a rich, musical brogue, while others may have the soft tones of the South, the clipped sounds of New England, or the open vowels of the West. Each accent may sound different—too sharp, too mild, too flat, or too rich—to those unfamiliar with it, but none is inherently unrefined.
New York, with its melting pot of dialects, offers an example of blended pronunciation. Though New Yorkers are often humorously portrayed with certain vocal quirks like “Omurica” or “Toosdeh,” the city is largely free of a dominant accent, incorporating influences from all over the country. In upscale New York society, speech tends to eliminate most regional distinctions, settling on a standard that minimizes obvious local markers. This approach is likely common everywhere, as most people consider their own pronunciation to be neutral or standard.
In terms of refined English, the clear, well-articulated speech of an educated Englishman—who enunciates each word without rushing—approaches the ideal for English diction, much like the way French is spoken by actors at the Comédie Française. The Boston accent, while bearing some resemblance to this precision, flattens its vowels to the point that it can sound devoid of warmth, turning “heart” into “haht” and “coat” into “cawt,” with little tonal variation. Southern accents, on the other hand, carry a sweetness and musical quality but may stretch short vowels into long, soft sounds, with “I” becoming “ah.”
The Pennsylvania and Western accents tend to roll and emphasize the “r” sounds, with Philadelphia’s unique take on words like “how” and “cow” (pronounced “haow” and “caow”) creating an unmistakable character.
So, what makes an accent acceptable? Simply put, a speaker should adhere to standard pronunciations found in reputable dictionaries. Variations, like choosing between “advertisement” (British) or “advertisement” (American), are minor preferences. However, mispronunciations like “kep” for “kept,” “gempmun” for “gentleman,” or “eye-talian” for “Italian” clearly indicate a lack of awareness about proper speech.
Accents reflect our backgrounds, and while some have unique regional or national characteristics, they aren’t inherently uneducated. But for those who wish to cultivate a refined pronunciation, consistency with standard English is key, blending local flavor with clarity and respect for the language.
HOW TO CULTIVATE AN AGREEABLE SPEECH
To develop a pleasant way of speaking, balance is key. While over-the-top affectation is off-putting, a lack of polish is something to work on. A soft, low-pitched voice is generally appealing—not one that’s barely audible, but one that avoids shouting. Try not to speak from the top of your head or lungs, and avoid slurring your words into a single breath. However, enunciating every syllable like a diction exercise is equally awkward. As a nation, our primary problem isn’t speed but volume. Many of us tend to speak loudly, with exaggerated accents, or with rushed, breathless words.
The pitch of your voice and correct pronunciation are much more important than speed. Enunciation—clearly articulating each word—is crucial for public speaking but less so in casual conversation. Pronunciation, on the other hand, is all about giving the correct sound to vowels and consonants and placing accents properly on syllables. To refine your pronunciation, spending time with well-spoken individuals is immensely beneficial. Additionally, a small pronunciation dictionary can be a great tool. Go through it word by word, focusing on those you often mispronounce.
Once you’re comfortable with individual words, try reading a book aloud to yourself, slowly and carefully pronouncing each word. This practice may feel a bit awkward at first, but over time, speaking correctly will become second nature.
This method has been successfully employed by many individuals who, despite a limited educational background, have achieved prominence in public life. It has also proven invaluable for those who, through self-education, not only improved their own speech but also gave their children the priceless gift of learning accurate language skills from an early age. With patience and practice, you can cultivate a speech that is both pleasing and polished.
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