What to Say When Introduced
Learn about greetings, As mentioned in the previous chapter, the proper formal greeting is: “How do you do?” For example, if Mrs. Younger is introduced to Mrs. Worldly, Mrs. Worldly will say, “How do you do?” Likewise, if she is introduced to the French Ambassador, she will greet them in the same manner. Younger and the Ambassador would also respond with “How do you do?” or simply nod politely.
In other circumstances, different expressions may be appropriate. For instance, if you’ve heard a lot about someone through mutual friends and know that they’ve also heard about you, upon being introduced, you might say: “I’m very glad to meet you,” or “I’m delighted to meet you at last!” Avoid saying “pleased to meet you” in any situation, and only express that you’re delighted if you’re confident the other person shares the sentiment.
In cases where someone is offering their help, such as in charitable work, you might say: “It’s very kind of you to help us,” or “Thank you for joining us.”
In a business setting, a gentleman might say: “Very glad to meet you,” or “Delighted to meet you.” If in his own office, he could say: “Very glad to see you!”
Informal Greetings
Informal greetings are somewhat more flexible than formal ones, though still limited. Along with saying “How do you do?”, you can also use greetings like “Good morning”, “How are you?”, or “Good evening” in informal settings.
In highly informal situations, it’s now common to greet close friends with “Hello!” While this may appear casual or even a bit unrefined, the appropriateness comes from the tone of voice used. Shouting “Hullow!” is considered vulgar, but a simple “Hello, Mary” or “How are you, John” spoken in a normal tone sounds polite. However, “Hello” should only be used between close friends who address each other by first names.
There are only two standard farewells: “Good-bye” and “Good night.” You should avoid saying “Au revoir” unless speaking French or conversing with a French person. Additionally, don’t sprinkle foreign phrases into your conversation when there are English equivalents, as it’s rarely necessary.
Often, instead of the usual “How do you do?”, people may forgo the formal greeting and immediately start the conversation.
You might hear something like: “Why, Mary! When did you get back?”, or “What’s new with you?” The weather is always a dependable topic, with remarks like “Isn’t it a beautiful day?” or “Terrible weather, isn’t it?” It almost feels like the weather exists to offer us an effortless conversation starter.
When saying goodbye to a new acquaintance, you typically shake hands and say: “Good-bye. I’m very glad to have met you.” If they’ve been especially interesting or are someone notable, you might say: “It’s been a great pleasure to meet you.” The appropriate response to such a farewell is simply “Thank you.”
In Church
People typically do not exchange greetings in church, except during weddings. At weddings, it’s acceptable to speak quietly to friends nearby, but always in a low tone. Hearing a loud mix of voices in a church would be considered quite inappropriate.
Normally, if you catch a friend’s eye during a service, a simple smile is sufficient, but you should not bow or wave. If you’re visiting a church that isn’t your own and someone kindly offers you a seat in their pew, it’s polite to turn to them as you leave and say, “Thank you.”
You should refrain from greeting anyone until you are outside on the church steps, where it is appropriate to speak to your friends. However, avoid using “Hello” in this context, as it is too casual for the solemnity of the church setting.
Shaking Hands
When introduced, gentlemen always shake hands with each other. Ladies, however, rarely shake hands with gentlemen they are just meeting, but they often shake hands with other ladies if they are standing close by. Friends or acquaintances usually shake hands when they meet, unless they are simply passing by.
A gentleman removes his right glove before shaking hands with a lady on the street. However, during formal events such as the opera, a ball, or when serving as an usher at a wedding, he keeps his glove on while shaking hands.
The Personality of a Handshake
A handshake can leave a strong impression, either of liking or irritation. Most people find it unpleasant to receive a limp, lifeless handshake, as if the hand were a piece of seaweed or a squishy object. Equally bothersome is having one’s hand grabbed and shaken violently in a pretentious manner, or being squeezed so hard that it causes pain.
The proper handshake is brief but firm, conveying both strength and warmth. As with bowing, you should make eye contact with the person whose hand you are shaking. When offering her hand to a foreigner, a married woman will often relax her arm and fingers, as it is customary for him to lift her hand to his lips. However, this relaxed posture should not feel lifeless or weak.
A woman may permit a man who is merely an acquaintance to shake her hand, but she does not reciprocate the gesture. For a close friend, she offers a firmer handshake, but still lets him take the lead. Younger women typically shake the hands of older women, or both may simply clasp hands and give a slight downward movement instead of a formal shake before letting go.
Polite Greetings from Younger to Older
It is considered extremely rude for young people to neglect greeting an older lady of their acquaintance when they meet her away from home, especially if she is a hostess they have often visited. Young men and women should always go and shake hands with her. However, they are not required to stay and engage in conversation unless the older lady holds them briefly, which she should not do for more than a minute.
Older women who frequently force young men into conversations with unappealing partners are generally avoided, and for good reason. But aside from that, failing to observe this simple act of polite behavior is inexcusable.
If a young man is engaged in conversation with someone when an older lady enters the room, he should bow formally from where he is, as it would be impolite to leave a young woman standing alone while he goes to greet Mrs. Worldly or Mrs. Toplofty. A young woman, however, who passes close to an older lady can easily stop for a brief moment to say, “How do you do, Mrs. Jones!” before moving on.
People typically do not cross a room to greet someone unless it is to show courtesy to an acquaintance who is unfamiliar with the setting, to speak to a close friend, or to address a specific matter with someone.
Read more***