When a Gentleman Takes Off His Hat
Learn about greeting etiquette,A gentleman removes his hat and holds it in his hand when a lady enters an elevator in which he is a passenger, but he puts it back on once he exits into the corridor. A public corridor is akin to the street, while an elevator feels more like a room, and it is customary for a gentleman to remove his hat in the presence of ladies, just as he would in a home.
This etiquette applies in the elevators of hotels, clubs, and apartment buildings. In contrast, elevators in office buildings and stores are considered public spaces, similar to corridors or streets. Moreover, business elevators are often crowded, leaving little room for a man’s hat except on his head. Even in such cramped situations, a gentleman can still demonstrate respect for women by avoiding crowding them too closely.
When a gentleman stops to speak to a lady on the street, he removes his hat with his left hand, leaving his right hand free to shake hers. Alternatively, he may remove his hat with his right hand and then transfer it to his left. If he is carrying a walking stick, he holds it in his left hand, removes his hat with his right, and then transfers the hat to his left hand, freeing his right hand for a handshake. If they continue walking together, he puts his hat back on, but while standing and conversing on the street, he remains hatless. It is considered very impolite for a gentleman to stand and talk to a lady while wearing his hat or, even worse, with a cigar or cigarette in his mouth.
A gentleman always stands when a lady enters the room. In public places, he doesn’t need to stand for every passing woman, but if a lady addresses him, he should immediately rise as he responds. In a restaurant, when a lady acknowledges him with a nod, he should respond by partially rising from his chair while bowing, and then sit back down.
When a lady visits a gentleman’s office for business, he should stand to greet her, offer her a seat, and remain standing until she is seated. As she leaves, he should rise immediately and remain standing until she has exited the office.
It’s also important to note that every American citizen stands and removes their hat at the passing of the national flag or when the national anthem is played. If he doesn’t, another patriotic citizen might remove it for him. Similarly, all men should stand with hats off when a funeral procession passes close or blocks their way.
A Gentleman Lifts His Hat
Lifting the hat is a traditional gesture of politeness, reserved for strangers, and should not be confused with bowing, which is a gesture used for acquaintances and friends. When lifting his hat, a gentleman slightly raises it off his forehead and replaces it without smiling, bowing, or making eye contact. A gentleman never stares or makes a lady feel observed.
If a lady drops her glove, a gentleman should promptly pick it up, move ahead of her, and offer it to her by saying, “I believe you dropped this.” The lady replies with, “Thank you,” after which the gentleman lifts his hat and walks away.
If he obstructs a lady’s path in a narrow space, he lifts his hat as he passes. Similarly, if he stumbles into someone on public transportation, he lifts his hat and says, “Excuse me!” or “I beg your pardon!” He should never say, “Pardon me!” A gentleman also avoids sitting when women are standing; however, if younger women enter, he may choose to stay seated. However, if an elderly woman or a woman carrying a child enters, he stands immediately, lifts his hat slightly, and offers his seat, saying, “Please take my seat.” He lifts his hat again when thanked.
When leaving a crowded streetcar and needing to pass by a lady, he politely asks, “May I get through, please?” Once she grants him passage, he lifts his hat and says, “Thank you!”
If a gentleman is with a lady on a streetcar and another man shows her any courtesy, such as offering a seat or picking up something she’s dropped, the gentleman lifts his hat in appreciation.
A gentleman also lifts his hat when asking a question, and always when his companion, whether male or female, bows to someone else. In short, a gentleman lifts his hat whenever he says “Excuse me,” “Thank you,” addresses a stranger, or is spoken to by a lady or an older gentleman.
Finally, a gentleman never has a pipe, cigar, or cigarette in his mouth when lifting his hat, taking it off, or bowing.
The Bow of Ceremony
The formal standing bow, made by a gentleman when rising to speak at a dinner, responding to applause, or acknowledging someone across a drawing-room at a formal event, often traces back to the bow learned in childhood, such as at dancing school. This bow involves the instinctive movement of clicking heels together and bending slightly from the hips and neck, as if the body had two hinges—one at the hips and another at the neck—while the rest of the body remains straight and rigid.
Though the exaggerated heel-clicking motion fades with maturity, the graceful essence of the bow usually remains, especially for those who, as children, frequently entered their mother’s drawing room when there were guests. Such individuals often grow up to have a charming, natural bow, free of self-consciousness. While the outward appearance may lack visible heel-clicking, the motion is subtly present.
In any form of bow, which is distinct from simply lifting one’s hat, a gentleman always makes eye contact with the person he is bowing to. In a very formal bow, his heels come together, his knees stay rigid, and his expression is one of seriousness, reflecting the gravity of the moment.
The Informal Bow
The informal bow is a more relaxed version of the formal one. It should be natural and effortless, conveying a sense of control rather than the limpness of a rag doll.
When bowing on the street, a gentleman should avoid any grand gestures such as taking off his hat with a flourish or sweeping it down to his knee. He should also avoid pulling the hat down over his face, as if examining its lining. The proper way to bow while wearing a high hat or derby is to grasp the brim in front, lift it just high enough to clear the head, move it slightly forward (with the back tilted up and the front down), and then return it to its place. To show extra respect to an elderly lady or gentleman, a more formal bow can be performed by sweeping the hat downward in a circular motion, potentially lowering it to waist level with the hat turned upside down.
If a man is wearing a soft hat, he should grasp it by the crown rather than the brim, lift it slightly off his head, and then put it back on.
A bow to a friend is often accompanied by a smile, and to a very close friend, it may even come with a broad grin, often paired with a cheerful “Hello!” In contrast, the formal bow is usually accompanied by the polite greeting, “How do you do?”
The Bow of a Woman of Charm
The renowned charm of Southern women is often attributed not just to their beauty, but to the brightness and warmth of their smile. Southern women are known for their grace and femininity, often compared to flowers bending gently in the breeze, their smiles like sudden bursts of sunshine. In contrast, an ungraceful woman may bow stiffly, as if her head were hinged, and offer a smile that seems forced and unpleasant.
Developing a charming bow is remarkably easy for any woman. It’s a brief and effortless gesture, simply requiring a slight incline of the head and a natural, welcoming smile, as if thinking, “Why, there’s Mrs. Smith! How happy I am to see her!”
Even when interacting with a stranger, a woman of charm always adds a genuine smile when expressing thanks. In life, a ready smile—whether for a man or woman—proves to be far more valuable than a sharp wit. While wit can sometimes create tension, a smile always wins friends.
When to Bow
In formal situations, it is customary for a lady to initiate the bow toward a gentleman. However, among acquaintances, bows are often exchanged spontaneously, disregarding strict etiquette.
When encountering the same person multiple times within a short period—like an hour—it’s unnecessary to bow after the second or third meeting. After that, a simple smile or looking away is sufficient. Unless you have a strong memory for faces, it’s generally better to bow to someone whose face seems familiar than risk overlooking an acquaintance.
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