BEHAVIOR ON THE STREET AND IN PUBLIC

BEHAVIOR ON THE STREET AND IN PUBLIC,When accompanying one or two ladies while walking on the street, a gentleman should always walk closest to the curb, ensuring he is not positioned between them. His demeanor should be respectful and understated, avoiding any behavior that draws unnecessary attention. For instance, loud talking or overly affectionate actions are inappropriate and easily noticed.

 

A gentleman should refrain from taking a woman’s arm or guiding her physically unless it’s to prevent harm, such as avoiding an oncoming vehicle. Actions like tapping objects with a cane or engaging in childish behavior, such as running a stick along fences, are improper for public spaces. Furthermore, no gentleman should chew gum or smoke while walking with a lady, as it is considered disrespectful.

In public settings, it is important for everyone to maintain a low profile and avoid loud conversations, especially when discussing personal matters or names that might catch the attention of strangers. Yelling someone’s name in public should only be done in unavoidable circumstances.

An example of graceful behavior in a crowd was a young woman who, upon losing her friends at a baseball game, calmly raised her parasol with her hat on top to signal them instead of causing a scene.

At all times, avoid standing out unnecessarily. This means steering clear of flashy clothing, loud voices, or intrusive behavior such as bumping into others or talking over someone. Lastly, personal affairs or emotions should never be openly discussed in public, as this exposes private matters to the world.

 

BEHAVIOR ON THE STREET AND IN PUBLIC

 

Gentlemen and Packages: The Etiquette of Carrying

Many etiquette guides assert that a gentleman should offer to carry a lady’s packages. However, the term “bundles” doesn’t quite suit the refined image of a lady. When we think of bundles, they evoke a sense of awkwardness and informality, which is not fitting for a gentleman.

Instead, a gentleman may carry elegantly wrapped items, such as a neatly boxed gift of cigars, candies, or books. He might also be seen with a bouquet of flowers, a basket of fresh fruit, or even larger items like suitcases or trunks. However, to carry something that resembles a disheveled bundle—wrapped haphazardly with crinkled paper and mismatched strings—is rarely appropriate. Often, a young woman, perhaps unaware of this social nuance, might request assistance with such an item from a family member or an admirer, only to find herself puzzled when he doesn’t return.

 

 

Offering Assistance: The Gentleman’s Arm

When it comes to offering his arm, a gentleman should do so out of respect and concern, particularly for elderly individuals or those needing support. During the daytime, a lady typically should not lean on a gentleman unless they are navigating a busy street or encountering difficult terrain. However, in the evening, especially when walking in dim light or over uneven ground, a gentleman should always extend his arm to a lady, acknowledging her potential for tripping in her high-heeled shoes.

In such situations, he might kindly say, “Would you like to take my arm? You could trip,” or, “It might be easier if you took my arm here; the path is a bit rough.” Outside these circumstances, the occasions for a gentleman to offer his arm include escorting a lady to a formal dinner or a ball, or when he serves as an usher at a wedding.

Interestingly, current trends among younger generations lean towards walking side by side rather than arm in arm, particularly during social events like ballroom dances. Nevertheless, traditional etiquette still supports the idea of a gentleman offering his arm, though he should never grasp a lady’s arm.

 

Assisting with Transportation

When escorting a lady to her vehicle, it’s perfectly acceptable for a gentleman to place his hand gently under her elbow to assist her. He should exit the vehicle first to offer his hand when she disembarks. While it’s courteous to hold a parasol for her briefly—perhaps while she rummages through her bag or adjusts her gloves—he should refrain from doing so for prolonged periods.

In contrast, when it rains, holding an umbrella for her becomes necessary, as she might struggle to keep her clothing dry while managing her hat. In such cases, a lady may also take the gentleman’s arm if it facilitates her passage.

In summary, the interplay of gentlemanly conduct, respect for personal space, and attentiveness to a lady’s needs defines the etiquette surrounding carrying packages and offering assistance. A true gentleman embodies these principles, ensuring that his actions reflect both propriety and consideration.

 

A Lady Never Sits “On the Left”

In matters of etiquette, the seating arrangement in a vehicle is significant, particularly regarding ladies. The owner of a carriage or automobile, especially when driven by a coachman or chauffeur, traditionally occupies the right-hand side of the back seat. When the vehicle belongs to a lady, she should always sit in her designated spot, unless she graciously offers it to a guest of higher status, such as the spouse of a President or a Governor.

If a gentleman owns the vehicle, he is expected to offer the right-hand seat to the lady accompanying him. In all instances, whether in a private car, taxi, or carriage, a lady should never sit on a gentleman’s left side. This guideline stems from European etiquette, which holds that a lady on the left is not properly regarded as a “lady.” While this convention may not be strictly upheld in the United States, a gentleman should still be cautious, as allowing any ambiguity in a lady’s position could lead to misunderstandings, particularly among foreign visitors.

 

Navigating Payment Etiquette

The dynamics of payment between gentlemen and ladies have evolved over time. It has become less common for a gentleman to insist on covering a lady’s expenses. For example, when a young woman is traveling on a ferry or subway and decides to buy magazines or snacks, the young man accompanying her might extend an offer to cover the cost. However, she often replies, “No, thanks! I’ve got it,” and pays for her items. In such situations, it would be awkward for him to insist, and it is generally considered poor form to press the matter.

That said, for smaller expenses, like subway fares, it is still customary for the gentleman to pay for both. If he invites her to a ball game, a matinée, or tea, he naturally assumes the responsibility for purchasing tickets and any refreshments they enjoy.

Occasionally, a young man and woman traveling to the same house party may find themselves on the same train, whether by chance or arrangement. In this scenario, the young woman should cover all her travel expenses. She should not allow her companion to pay for her seat in the parlor car or for her lunch, nor should he tip the porter for handling her luggage upon arrival at their destination.

If a gentleman happens to be seated next to a lady he knows on a train or boat, he should refrain from offering to pay for her seat or for any items she may purchase from on-board vendors. This approach reinforces the values of respect and independence in social interactions.

 

The Role of the Escort

Despite the portrayal of “escorts” in fictional society novels and informal etiquette guides, such individuals do not exist in reputable social circles, particularly in cities like New York. The concept of a gentleman accompanying a “lady friend” as an escort is not only rare but also generally unacceptable.

In respectable society, it is uncommon for ladies to be seen under the “care” of gentlemen. It is nearly unheard of for a gentleman to invite a young woman to a dance, dinner, or any social event without making the appropriate arrangements. A well-mannered young lady typically attends public dances only when accompanied by a chaperone and is expected to go to private events with her mother or her maid, who remains in the dressing room throughout the evening. Moreover, it is deemed inappropriate for any man to escort a lady to an event for which she has not received a personal invitation from the hostess.

A lady should never be considered to be under the “protection” of a man in any circumstance. Even when engaged, a young woman does not simply accompany her fiancé; instead, invitations to social events should come directly from his friends, with the understanding that he might accompany her if possible.

Older women may occasionally make the careless remark to a young man, “Please bring your fiancée to see me!” In such cases, he should respond tactfully, saying, “I would love to, but I think she would appreciate a direct invitation from you.” If the lady continues to insist, saying, “Do bring her,” the young man must politely reply, “I can’t bring her without an invitation,” or he may choose to sidestep the topic entirely and not bring her at all.

In essence, the proper conduct of gentlemen and ladies in social situations hinges on mutual respect and adherence to established norms, ensuring that invitations and arrangements reflect appropriate decorum.

 

Handling the Restaurant Check

At some point, everyone has experienced the uncomfortable situation when the waiter hands the check to the host. Counting the items on the bill can come across as stingy, while ignoring it entirely may seem careless. Paying the bill in front of guests can also feel awkward.

This scenario becomes even more uncomfortable when a hostess is present and gentlemen are among her guests. To sidestep this potentially awkward moment, individuals without charge accounts should consider ordering their meal in advance and settling the bill beforehand, including a tip for the waiter. For those who do have charge accounts, it’s advisable to arrange for the check to be presented away from the table, minimizing any discomfort for everyone involved.

 

Etiquette in Stores and Shops

Disregard for those who serve you in any capacity reveals a lack of manners and a selfish attitude. There are instances when a so-called “lady,” traveling in her comfortable limousine, expresses her frustration at a saleswoman behind a busy store counter because the staff cannot prioritize her needs over other customers. When the item she seeks is unavailable, she may even complain to the floor manager about the saleswoman’s incompetence. Alternatively, if she finds herself with a free hour, she might demand to see various materials pulled from the shelves only to leave abruptly once her appointment time approaches.

On the other hand, some saleswomen display a troubling lethargy, seemingly oblivious to customer requests. They may insist on showing items that the customer has explicitly stated they do not want, even going so far as to declare, “They are wearing this style this season!” One must wonder if such an approach ever results in a sale. Why would anyone purchase something based solely on vague trends suggested by someone who lacks knowledge about their specific needs?

Fortunately, in high-quality stores and shops, friction is uncommon due to the commitment to good manners on both sides. Salespeople are typically patient and polite, and their clientele often consists of genuinely courteous individuals. Over time, many stores have fostered a relationship of mutual respect and friendliness between customers and staff. Unfortunately, it is often those women who are overly concerned about their fragile sense of dignity who fail to extend courtesy or consideration, only showing kindness to those they believe can enhance their social standing.

 

Consideration for Others

Respecting the rights and feelings of others is not just a guideline for public behavior; it is the essential cornerstone of social interaction. The primary rule of etiquette, which serves as the foundation for countless others, is straightforward:

 

Never engage in actions that cause discomfort to others.

This principle applies in all situations, whether it’s sharing the road while driving, taking up space on a boat, occupying seats on a train, or serving food at a gathering.

For instance, individuals who picnic along public highways and leave behind a mess of greasy wrappers and leftovers—though unflattering, this term accurately describes the unsightly aftermath—display a complete disregard for those who will pass by. Such litter not only creates an unpleasant environment but also attracts pests and wildlife, making the area less hospitable. This behavior reflects a poor way to show appreciation to the landowner for allowing temporary use of their property.

Ultimately, being considerate of others enriches our social fabric and fosters a more pleasant communal atmosphere.

 

 

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