The Well Appointed House Behavior

The Well Appointed House Behavior , Each home has an exterior designed to appear as inviting and appealing as possible, while the inside is constantly organized and cleaned. For those living within, there are meals to prepare, clothes to wash and repair, garments to press, and perhaps children to care for. The doorbell rings, requiring both good manners and a presentable appearance.

 

The Well Appointed House Behavior

Beyond these basic tasks, endless luxuries can be added, such as stunning architecture, exquisite gardens, and elegant furnishings, all of which demand expert management. The grandeur of large estates is comparable to a giant diamond, while a smaller house can only be compared to a precisely cut, smaller gemstone. A poorly maintained house, on the other hand, resembles a flawed or off-color gem, or even a mere piece of glass that only the uninformed would mistake for something valuable.

A beautifully maintained home need not be large. Its lines are clean, its paint and window dressings tasteful. The pathway is immaculate, the brass fittings shine, and a polite, well-groomed maid greets visitors with soft-spoken courtesy. Even without the opulence of a palace, such a home radiates quality. In contrast, a mansion with mismatched architecture, poorly cleaned brass, and a butler in an ill-fitted suit projects a lack of refinement and sophistication.

The skill of creating a home that exudes both elegance and hospitality is far more challenging than merely dressing well and behaving properly in public. Many people look polished in appearance, yet their homes reveal a lack of taste and proper management. Their staff are poorly trained, and the décor lacks harmony and aesthetic appeal.

A home’s character is intangible, yet unmistakable. A truly refined lady, whether living in a grand mansion or a humble apartment, will always have a home that reflects her grace and charm, making guests feel welcomed and reluctant to leave. Homes lacking this personality, no matter how beautifully furnished, feel cold and lifeless, as though each piece of furniture was placed without heart. In contrast, even a modest or sparsely decorated home can have a warmth and inviting quality that reflects the true elegance of its inhabitants.

 

Harmonizing Furnishings

Good taste is always defined by appropriateness. It’s about matching the mood to the moment, the outfit to the event, the object to the space, and the furniture to its surroundings. Yet, combining elements from different eras and styles—French, Spanish, Italian, and English—within an American home and achieving a seamless, tasteful result is an art that has been mastered many times.

A woman with impeccable taste approaches home décor much like she approaches fashion: by adhering to broader principles while tailoring them to her style. Just as she chooses clothing that suits her, she selects furniture that complements her home. It’s obvious that an old-fashioned house should be furnished with pieces that reflect its charm, scaled appropriately to the size of the rooms, and that rustic furniture has no place in a grand marble hallway. Yet, many people disregard proportion entirely.

They might place an oversized piece in a small room, creating a sense of imbalance, or crowd one corner with too many items, making the space feel lopsided. Others will clutter a well-designed room with random objects that, despite their monetary value, detract from the room’s harmony because they are out of place.

Occasionally, a room’s aesthetic is ruined by cherished “treasures” kept purely for sentimental reasons, even when they disrupt the overall balance and beauty of the space.

 

The Sentiment Trap

It’s difficult for any of us to objectively evaluate items we’ve lived with for years. A chair that once belonged to our grandmother, a painting our father bought, or the silverware that’s always been on the dining table—these things are so intertwined with our personal history that we become blind to their imperfections.

Take, for instance, a portrait of a Colonial officer that had always hung in Mrs. Oldname’s dining room. One day, an art critic, known more for his sharp eye than his tact, bluntly asked, “Why do you have that awful painting in this otherwise flawless room?” Mrs. Oldname, caught off guard, responded, “Is it really so bad? I’ve always had a fondness for him and his dog!”

The critic didn’t hold back. “If you call that cotton-flannel creation a dog! The figure is just as lifeless and fake! How someone with your taste can tolerate it is beyond me.” His bluntness made Mrs. Oldname realize the truth: she had been sentimentally attached to the portrait, unable to see its flaws. Eventually, she grew so tired of the painting that she moved it to the attic.

Similarly, many of us have objects that have “always been there” or that hold sentimental value, which are probably just as unappealing, but our attachment blinds us to their faults. If we saw them in someone else’s home, we’d easily recognize how unpleasant they are.

While not everyone can simply discard everything that doesn’t meet today’s aesthetic standards—especially since homes a generation ago were filled with such items—those with the financial means and emotional readiness would greatly improve their home’s beauty by letting go of unattractive or outdated pieces. It’s far better to use simple stoneware with good design than costly porcelain with poor decoration.

To determine what’s truly beautiful, one must study what has been deemed good across time—whether through books, museums, art classes, or even magazines dedicated to home décor. However, be cautious not to confuse modern eccentricities with genuine art. Many current trends—like loud colors and odd, angular designs—are fleeting novelties with no lasting value. A room that resembles a perfume commercial or a funhouse mirror is not in good taste, no matter how trendy it might be.

 

Evaluating the Worth of an Object

When purchasing an item for the home, it’s useful to ask yourself a few key questions:

1. Is it functional? Anything with a practical purpose has a legitimate reason to exist.
2. Does it possess true beauty in form, line, or color? (Texture is less crucial.) Or is it just unusual or amusing?
3. Is it well-suited for its location?
4. If removed, would it be missed? Could something else look better in its place? Would the space look better empty?

Answering these questions truthfully can help you assess an object’s value. An item that fails any of these tests can’t be considered perfect.

Fashion naturally influences our taste, often making us view certain styles with disdain. We might currently dislike the ornate curves of Louis XIV and Empire styles because minimalism is in vogue, but whether these styles are truly inferior is something only time will reveal. For now, we admire simple silver, though we might be leaning too far toward austerity. The safest measure of what is good is to choose items that have stood the test of time. Patterns like “King” and “Fiddle” for flatware have remained fashionable for decades, suggesting their enduring merit.

Similarly, reproductions of old pottery, china, and glass that are being revived today likely have value, as their return to popularity after a century of disuse indicates a lasting appeal. One might say that a “second choice” is a reliable indicator of excellence.

 

The Value of Service

While the focus of this chapter is primarily on service rather than furnishings—since it’s not about architecture or décor—it’s worth taking a moment to address the unjust stigma attached to the noble profession of domestic service.

There’s a peculiar tendency, particularly in this country, for people to view domestic work as demeaning or unworthy. This may stem from the fact that many have limited exposure to high-caliber domestic staff, who are typically found in affluent households. Instead, the general public often equates the profession with less refined workers—like “hired hands” or “servant girls”—and assumes that all domestic workers fall into this category. In reality, many upper-class servants are refined, cultured individuals who, through constant interaction with sophisticated environments and opportunities to travel the world, have gained a level of cultivation that rivals or exceeds that of many in other fields.

Despite this, the derogatory connotation surrounding the word “servant” has become so ingrained that people now avoid using it, much like they would avoid calling someone “crippled.” Yet, are we not all “servants” in one way or another? Whether in service to the Church, the State, or society, the role of a servant is one that carries honor and dignity.

Being a maid in a low-class household may not be glamorous, but it is no worse than working in a sweatshop or taking on a similarly menial job, which is often the only option for those with limited skills. On the other hand, consider the life of a lady’s maid or a valet. These roles come with countless privileges, from never worrying about personal expenses to the opportunity to travel and experience a world far beyond the limitations of a factory or a store.

Take, for example, the noble profession of a nurse. There is no more honorable calling. In E.F. Benson’s Our Family Affairs, the character of “Beth,” the nurse to the children of the Archbishop of Canterbury, is portrayed as one of the most beloved figures in the family, with a place in their hearts next to that of their mother.

Similarly, two years ago, Anna, the lifelong personal maid to Mrs. Gilding, passed away. Despite the seemingly frivolous nature of the Gilding family, all social engagements were canceled, including their much-anticipated ball, as they mourned her deeply. To them, Anna wasn’t just a servant—she was a close, trusted friend.

Would it have been more dignified for these women—who lived lives enriched by cultural exposure and personal growth—to have remained in their small villages, working in factories or running modest stores? This misguided notion of dignity ignores the immense value of their service, which provided them with opportunities for meaningful and fulfilling lives. It’s time to recognize that this perception is not only flawed but entirely misplaced.

 

How Many Servants Are Needed for Proper Service?

It’s logical to assume that specialized staff will deliver more flawless service than those with multiple roles. However, smaller households with a dual setup—where one person alternates between the kitchen and dining duties—can function just as efficiently as the grand estates of the Gildings and the Worldlys, though without the same level of grandeur. Nevertheless, effective service is compromised if, for instance, there’s no one to answer the door when the maid is out or no one to prepare meals if the cook is unavailable.

For what might be called “complete” service, which means service capable of meeting modern standards and supporting frequent entertaining, the minimum number of staff required is three: a cook, a butler (or waitress), and a housemaid. While it’s challenging to host formal luncheons or dinners perfectly with just one waitress, it’s still possible for a single person to manage well on occasion, especially if the menu is designed for single-handed service (as outlined on page 233).

Apart from having an additional hand in the dining room, alternating shifts for going out and staying in are crucial for a smooth operation. For instance, one day the waitress handles duties such as answering the doorbell, telephone, and serving tea, while the housemaid takes over the next day. They also rotate their evening duties, allowing each to go out every other evening after dinner.

It’s important to understand that beyond the minimum essential staff, additional employees like chambermaids, parlor-maids, footmen, scullery maids, or general helpers are typically required by the size of the house and the level of entertaining, not merely for show. The large number of footmen seen at estates like Golden Hall and Great Estates is not just for display during formal events—they are genuinely necessary for the enormous workload that maintaining such properties involves. In contrast, a smaller apartment can be adequately managed by one person.

The following sections will list all house staff, their responsibilities, and their expected behaviors, beginning with the most complex and high-ranking positions in larger households.

 

The Secretary Who Is Also a Companion

A companion’s role is one of social equality with her employer and typically arises when the lady of the house is an invalid, elderly, a widow, or a young girl in need of a chaperone. Her secretarial duties may involve writing letters, paying bills, and occasionally handling invitations. However, if a lady requires a companion, it’s unlikely she is deeply engaged in social activities.

A companion never performs the tasks of a maid, though she may sometimes take on the role of housekeeper. Her responsibilities vary depending on the individual needs of her employer. Some may seek a companion to travel with them, often choosing a relative or close friend, while others, such as semi-invalids, may need more personal care, almost akin to that of a nurse. The common requirement is for the companion to be personable, tactful, intelligent, and most importantly, good company.

A companion’s attire should reflect the occasion, her personal style, age, and financial means, just like any other lady.

 

The Varied Social Standing of Private Secretaries

A private secretary working for a diplomat must pass a diplomatic examination, making them well-educated and often well-connected. Their social standing is closely aligned with that of their employer’s family. In contrast, a standard private secretary’s social position can vary; some might be considered upper servants, while others may have higher social status than their employer. A secretary with social standing of their own, or one who is elevated by their employer, is treated as a member of the family. They participate in general social events and are often included in lunches and dinners. Their primary duties involve managing correspondence, taking shorthand notes, organizing documents, and functioning as their employer’s extra pair of hands and brain, facilitating day-to-day operations.

 

The Role of the Social Secretary

A social secretary’s job is purely administrative, and unlike other roles, it doesn’t come with any social privileges unless the secretary also serves as a companion. Her duties include writing invitations, handling RSVPs, managing an engagement calendar, and tracking every social commitment—whether it’s a lunch, dinner, or an appointment. She also handles impersonal correspondence, drafts checks for bill payments, and organizes receipts for future reference. In some cases, the social secretary may even take on the role of a social manager, planning events and overseeing details like decorations and entertainment for large gatherings.

Most social secretaries don’t live in the home of their employer, often working for several households to fill their time. For example, Miss Brisk, Mrs. Gilding’s secretary, works long hours in the city and stays at Golden Hall. However, in a typical household, a secretary might only spend an hour or two a day managing tasks, with additional time set aside monthly for handling bills.

A social secretary’s attire should reflect that of a professional businesswoman—well-tailored suits, simple but stylish hats, and clean, polished shoes. While her wardrobe should be practical, it can still reflect good taste and a sense of personal dignity.

 

The Role of the Housekeeper

In large households, the housekeeper typically resides within the home, while smaller estates may employ a “visiting housekeeper” who comes for a few hours each morning. A resident housekeeper is provided her own private quarters, including a bedroom, bath, and sitting room. Meals are delivered to her, often by a specific kitchen maid known in larger homes as the “hall girl,” or occasionally by an underfootman assigned by the butler.

In certain homes, the housekeeper oversees all the staff, including the gardener, cook, butler, and nurses, effectively managing the entire household in the same way a diligent and skilled mistress would, were she to dedicate all her time to it. This includes hiring and, if necessary, dismissing staff, supervising the cook, ordering meals, going to the market (or overseeing market orders), and assigning tasks to the male servants.

However, in most households, the housekeeper’s authority is limited to supervising the housemaids, parlor maids, general utility workers, and one of the scullery maids. The cook, butler, nurses, and lady’s maid usually operate independently of her supervision. If conflicts arise between her and those not under her direct authority, she can recommend their dismissal, though such a request would likely only be made in serious situations.

A competent housekeeper is typically experienced, tactful, and often well-bred, which minimizes the likelihood of interpersonal conflicts within the household.

 

The Structure of a Large Household

In grand estates, household management is typically divided into several departments, each headed by a specific individual. The housekeeper oversees the cleanliness and upkeep of the home, managing the housemaids and parlor maids responsible for cleaning everything from furniture to linens. The butler, on the other hand, is in charge of the pantry and dining room, responsible for hiring footmen, assigning tasks, and ensuring their proper appearance and performance. The cook runs the kitchen, managing assistants like the under-cook and kitchen maids.

The lady of the house usually manages the personal maid, nurse, and cook, while the gentleman handles the employment of the butler, valet, chauffeur, and gardener.

 

The Role of the Butler

In large households, the butler holds the most significant position among the staff, often functioning not only as the head servant but also as the steward, managing household accounts and supplies. For example, at the Worldly household, the butler named Hastings assumes responsibility for hiring staff, ordering supplies, and managing the entire service team, including the chef and housemaids.

However, in most cases, the butler’s role is more focused, mainly supervising the dining room, pantry, and sometimes the entire parlor floor. In smaller homes, the butler may also serve as the gentleman’s valet and, in some cases, perform all the functions of service without assistance.

In large households like Golden Hall, where guests arrive in large numbers, the butler’s role expands to overseeing dozens of footmen for events and managing daily service. He holds the keys to the wine cellar and the silver safe, both significant responsibilities, and oversees table settings, the serving of meals, and even the breakfast trays.

During meals, the butler typically stands behind the lady of the house, ready to respond to any request. In some homes, he might stand at the other end of the table for better visibility of instructions. He also ensures the proper service of tea and assists the gentleman of the house when there are no dinner guests.

 

Butler in Smaller Homes

In more modest homes, the butler’s duties are similar but on a smaller scale. He is still responsible for the wine and silver, but he has fewer staff to oversee and more hands-on work. Where he works with one footman or parlor-maid, the butler handles the main courses at the table while the assistant serves the secondary dishes. Additionally, he often acts as valet to the gentleman of the house and his guests.

 

The Butler’s Attire

A butler’s uniform reflects his role, but he never wears the same livery as a footman or adopts knee breeches or powdered wigs. In the early morning, a butler typically wears a dark sack suit with a modest tie. For midday duties, he switches to black trousers with gray stripes, a black waistcoat, and a black swallowtail coat. His shirt is always stiff-bosomed with a standing collar, paired with a simple black tie.

For evening service, the butler dons a black waistcoat and white tie, distinguishing him from a gentleman who would wear a white waistcoat and tie for formal occasions. A butler never wears flashy jewelry, cuff-links should be plain, and shirt studs are typically white enamel.

In fashionable households, certain customs must be observed. For example, a butler should never have a mustache, and a butler in shirt-sleeves or without a collar is considered highly improper.

 

The Duties of House Footmen

In a household, footmen are responsible for various tasks under the direction of the butler. Their duties involve waiting at the table and other maintenance activities. Footmen also clean the dining room, pantry, and lower hall, maintain the entrance and sidewalk, manage the furnace, supply coal and wood to different parts of the house, and clean windows and brass items. They are tasked with polishing shoes, carrying heavy items, moving furniture for thorough cleaning, and acting as valets for the gentlemen of the house. In addition, they assist with setting the table, serving meals, answering the front door, handling telephone calls, recording messages, and frequently polishing silver.

In smaller homes, the butler typically handles the silver polishing. However, in large estates, one footman may specialize solely in silver polishing and does nothing else except participate in serving at events. In such cases, the silver specialist only wears his livery during special occasions, refraining from any other cleaning duties.

Usually, the butler answers the telephone, but if not, the first footman assumes this responsibility. The first footman also acts as the butler’s deputy. Footmen take turns answering the front door, and in formal settings like those of the Worldly and Gilding households, two footmen are stationed at the entrance—one opens the door, and the other escorts guests into the drawing room. If formal guests are expected, the butler himself is present in the hall, accompanied by one or two footmen.

 

The Footmen’s Livery

Families with large homes often choose a specific color scheme for their livery, which remains consistent. For example, the Gilding family uses maroon and buff as their colors, reflected not only in their house footmen’s attire but also in their motor cars. The everyday livery for footmen in this household includes maroon trousers, long-tailed coats with brass buttons, and maroon-and-buff striped waistcoats.

For grand occasions, additional caterers may be hired, all dressed in formal livery. This includes a maroon broadcloth “court” coat, which is fastened at the neck and tails at the back, adorned with black braid and epaulets, a buff satin waistcoat, black satin breeches, cream-colored stockings, and pumps. The hair is pomaded and heavily powdered, though wigs are not worn.

The Worldly household takes a more moderate approach, dressing their footmen in green cloth coats similar to their everyday livery but featuring silver buttons with their family crest, black velvet collars, and black satin waistcoats. Their gala attire includes black satin knee breeches, silk stockings, and pumps with silver buckles.

While “court” livery is rarely seen today, knee breeches are somewhat more common but still reserved for only the most opulent households.

The overall presentation of the footmen is as important as their attire. Footmen must be clean-shaven, with well-groomed hair, spotless linens, polished shoes, and pressed clothing. Their fingernails should be well-maintained, and if their hands are stained from work, white gloves may be worn to maintain a polished appearance.

 

The Role of the Cook

The cook is responsible for managing the kitchen. In smaller homes or apartments, the cook works alone, handling all cooking tasks as well as cleaning the kitchen and pantry. She also answers the kitchen bell, sets the table for the other servants, and washes both the kitchen utensils and the servants’ dishes. In larger households, a kitchen-maid assists by lighting the kitchen fire, cleaning the kitchen and cookware, answering the bell, setting the servants’ table, and washing their dishes.

In grander homes, a second cook often prepares meals for the servants and children and assists the main cook by handling simpler dishes. The main cook focuses on preparing elaborate meals and sauces. Sometimes, several kitchen-maids work together to divide the workload more efficiently.

In homes of moderate or large size, the cook typically handles all the grocery shopping and marketing. She consults with the lady of the house each morning to submit the day’s menu. However, in smaller homes, the lady of the house takes care of ordering supplies and deciding the menu.

 

How the Menu is Submitted

In the grandest homes, like the Gildings’, the chef prepares the next day’s menu each evening, regardless of whether there are guests expected. This is done in a large, loose-leaf book where the current menu sheet sits on top, while past menus remain underneath for reference. This allows the lady of the house, if she wishes, to review both the guest list and the meal served on any specific date.

If the lady does not approve of the chef’s menu, she may cross out items and suggest alternatives. Any additional instructions or feedback are written on a note, folded, and sealed before being placed back into the menu book. Once finalized, the book is returned to a designated spot in the kitchen.

The butler refers to this menu each morning to ensure that the correct table settings and utensils are prepared. This system is particularly useful in large homes with frequent entertaining, as it prevents miscommunication and ensures everything runs smoothly.

 

The Kitchen-Maid

The kitchen-maids work under the direction of the cook. One of these maids, often referred to as the “hall girl,” has a unique role and reports to the housekeeper. Her name comes from her responsibility for maintaining the servants’ dining room, known as the hall. She serves as the waitress for the servants, takes care of the housekeeper’s quarters, and delivers all of the housekeeper’s meals. If there is no housekeeper, she works under the supervision of the cook.

 

The Parlor-Maid

The parlor-maid is responsible for maintaining the drawing room and library. While the useful man supplies the wood for the fireplaces, it is the parlor-maid who arranges the fires. In some households, she also brings up the breakfast trays, though in other homes, this task falls to the butler, who then hands the trays off to the lady’s maid to take into the bedrooms. Heavy furniture is moved by the useful man to allow the parlor-maid to clean behind it.

The parlor-maid also assists the butler by helping to serve meals and wash dishes. She shares the duty of answering the door and telephone with him.

In very large estates like those of the Worldly and Gilding families, the footmen assist the butler with dining room service and answering the door, while a pantry maid handles dishwashing and keeps the pantry clean.

 

The Housemaid’s Responsibilities

The housemaid is primarily responsible for all tasks related to chamber maintenance. This includes polishing silver on dressing tables, cleaning bathroom fixtures, and ensuring the bedroom floors are spotless. In larger homes, a head housemaid oversees the linen and takes care of the bedrooms belonging to the lady and gentleman of the house, along with a few spare rooms. The second housemaid typically looks after nurseries, additional spare rooms, and the servants’ quarters. As the size of the household increases, the number of housemaids also rises, leading to a more specialized division of labor. Many people refer to the housemaid as the chambermaid.

 

Uniforms for Housemaids

In stylish and prominent households, the parlor-maid, housemaids, and waitresses (in the absence of a butler) wear matching uniforms. Their work dresses are made from plain cambric in the house’s designated color and are complemented by large white aprons featuring high bibs and Eton collars, though they lack cuffs for practicality, allowing the maids to roll up their sleeves easily. Those serving in the dining room must dress before lunch, while afternoon dresses vary according to the preferences and budget of the lady of the house. When uniforms are not provided, each maid is expected to have a simple black afternoon dress, adorned with collars and cuffs of embroidered muslin (usually supplied by the household) and a small apron with or without shoulder straps, along with a cap.

In particularly elegant households where all uniforms are supplied, the colors are chosen to match the decor of the dining room. For instance, at the Gildings’, where Mr. Gilding prefers not to have male staff, the waitresses and parlor-maids wear Nattier blue taffeta dresses, complemented by cream-colored hemstitched organdie aprons, collars, and cuffs. They also wear blue stockings and patent leather slippers adorned with silver buckles, ensuring their hair is impeccably styled.

Historically, maids in a lady’s house all wore caps, except for the personal maid, who sported a velvet bow or went without one. However, as lower-quality households adopted more extravagant caps and decorations, fashionable women began to reject these trimmings in favor of better cuts and neatly styled hair. Some discerning ladies choose to dress their maids according to what suits them best; for example, a maid with fluffy dark hair may look lovely in a coronet-style cap, while another with straight hair may benefit from a headpiece that encircles her head.

For those maids not wearing caps, their hair must be perfectly smooth and tidy. Additionally, if there are multiple maids, their appearances should be coordinated; having one in a cap and another without would not be acceptable.

 

The Lady’s Maid

A first-rate lady’s maid must possess various skills, including hairdressing, packing, and needlework. Her primary responsibility is to maintain her lady’s wardrobe and assist with dressing and undressing. She prepares the bath, lays out undergarments, brushes and styles her lady’s hair, and selects the day’s attire, including shoes, stockings, accessories, and any other essentials.

Once her lady is dressed, the maid takes all worn items to the sewing room, where she meticulously checks each article. Woolen garments are brushed, silk items are cleaned, and anything that appears less than immaculate is washed or treated with cleaning fluid. Once everything is restored to perfect condition, items are returned to their proper places in the closet. Any mended undergarments go into the clothes hamper, while stockings are inspected for rips or holes, with delicate pairs typically washed by the maid.

Some maids must wait up late for their ladies to return, while others have a designated cutoff time. However, a maid working for a debutante during the social season often finds herself extremely busy, running errands, mending party dresses, and cleaning slippers that have been scuffed from dancing. This demanding role leaves little room for rest.

 

Why Two Maids?

In prominent households where mothers and daughters frequently attend social events, it’s common to have two maids—one assigned to the mother and another to the daughters. Even in more modest homes, it often becomes impractical for a debutante and her mother to share a maid, especially during the bustling season.

A maid tasked with attending events night after night for weeks or even months deserves a chance to rest, which usually involves sleeping until lunchtime after long nights spent in dressing rooms at balls. It becomes clear that her time is better spent assisting with the necessary alterations to the debutante’s dance dresses rather than focusing on her mother. Thus, during the peak season, it makes sense for each lady to have her own maid, no matter how unnecessary it may seem to have two maids for two women.

To address this issue, some families hire a dedicated maid for the evenings who accompanies the debutante to parties and brings her home afterward. Meanwhile, the maid at home can manage the duties for both women.

 

Dress of a Lady’s Maid

A lady’s maid typically wears a black skirt paired with a laundered white blouse and a small white apron that buttons in the back. When traveling, her uniform includes a small black silk apron, and some maids consistently opt for black taffeta. In the afternoons, she may switch to a black blouse with white collar and cuffs. For example, Mrs. Gilding, Jr. dresses her maid in black taffeta adorned with embroidered collars and cuffs.

For special occasions, when she is required to wait in the dressing room, the lady’s maid may wear light gray taffeta with a tiny embroidered mull apron, accented by a narrow black velvet ribbon at the waist, as well as matching collar and cuffs. While this ensemble is exceptionally attractive, it is also quite extravagant.

 

The Valet

The valet (pronounced “val-et”) is often referred to as a gentleman’s gentleman, a term coined by Beau Brummel. His responsibilities mirror those of the lady’s maid, with the notable exception that he does not engage in sewing. The valet ensures that his employer’s clothing remains in impeccable condition, brushing, cleaning, and pressing items immediately after they’ve been worn—even if just briefly. He organizes the clothes that will be worn, putting everything in order, including attaching belts or braces to trousers and ensuring shirts are equipped with cuff links and studs.

Some gentlemen prefer their valets to assist them in dressing, which may include running a bath, shaving, and preparing each garment as needed. However, many simply appreciate having their clothes laid out for them. The valet is also responsible for unpacking the bags of visiting gentlemen, providing assistance during their stay, and repacking for their departure. He handles travel arrangements, buys tickets, manages luggage, and serves as a personal attendant whether at home or on the road.

During formal dinners, the valet may be called upon to serve as a footman, donning the appropriate livery. Typically, he does not wear a uniform except on such occasions; instead, his attire consists of a plain business suit in a dark, understated color, complemented by a black tie. In the bachelor’s household, the valet often assumes a variety of roles, not only serving as a valet but also taking on duties typically associated with a cook, butler, and even a housemaid.

 

The Nurse

The role of the nurse can be both a source of comfort and a source of stress within a household. Many young mothers endure a great deal of irritation from a cantankerous middle-aged nurse due to her perceived excellence with their child. However, it is essential to note that such nurses often do not truly provide the care expected. As long as they do not actively harm the infant, they may be considered acceptable, yet true devotion must be selfless. A nurse who genuinely excels in caring for a child will likely possess a kind disposition overall.

In most cases, it is best to dismiss a domineering nurse, whether young or old. Many mothers have discovered that their babies are often more content once they replace a harsh nurse with a nurturing and compassionate individual. Therefore, it is crucial to carefully check a nurse’s references and obtain a personal recommendation from her previous employer. Finding a nurse with a gentle demeanor, competence, and a clean background is vital, particularly since she will be a constant influence in the lives of the children entrusted to her care.

 

 

The House with Limited Service

Living in a residence with just two servants or in a one-maid apartment doesn’t necessarily mean your home lacks charm or sophistication. A house can still embody the essence of refinement, regardless of the size of the service staff. However, as mentioned in the section on dinners, limited service requires careful management of both time and effort to avoid chaos.

Every individual has only two hands, and the hours in a day are finite. A critical point often overlooked by novice housekeepers is that a few people cannot replace the many and perform tasks with the same efficiency. For instance, if a housemaid is unable to access young Mrs. Gilding’s room until lunch, the disorder left behind may seem like a whirlwind hit the space. However, this maid has the entire day ahead to restore that one room and the accompanying bathroom to order.

In contrast, in young Mrs. Gaily’s compact home, where the sole maid also serves as a waitress and must be properly attired for lunch, the situation becomes more complicated. It’s clear that the maid cannot dust, sweep, tidy up rooms, clean bathtubs, and polish fixtures while simultaneously wearing afternoon attire. On days when Mrs. Gaily is out for lunch, it’s true that the maid does not need to be in formal wear while serving. However, if an unexpected guest rings the doorbell in the early afternoon and is greeted by a maid in a wrinkled “working” dress, it could lead to awkwardness.

Consider that the designated time for tidying the bedroom is from 10 AM to 11 AM. To ensure efficiency, Mrs. Gaily must take her bath before 10 AM, allowing her to be out of the room by the designated hour. She can attend to other matters while the maid organizes her space and can finish dressing later. This requires her to manage any mess she creates during her dressing routine—putting away her negligee, slippers, and returning items to their proper places. On days when Mr. Gaily is not at the office, he must also rise and vacate the premises so the house can be set in order.

 

The One Maid Alone

In situations where one maid is tasked with cooking, cleaning, waiting on table, and serving as both lady’s maid and valet, her ability to perform each duty is inevitably constrained. Even if she is highly motivated, the quality of her work will diminish as the quantity of tasks increases. For example, in a fashionable couple’s home like the Lovejoys’, the time allocated to “maiding” or “valeting” must be deducted from the time spent on cleaning or cooking.

This single maid in their small apartment can handle some pressing of Mrs. Lovejoy’s dresses and minor mending, but she cannot dedicate one or two hours to meticulously attend to a garment in the same way a specialized maid would. Therefore, either Mrs. Lovejoy must manage the sewing herself or tackle the household chores, or one of these responsibilities will inevitably remain unfinished.

 

 

Managing Household Staff

It’s far more rewarding to work for those who express appreciation than for individuals who constantly criticize. Anyone who has participated in wartime efforts will recall how some colleagues made tasks enjoyable and efficient, while others created an atmosphere of frustration. Just as the leaders of workspaces, wards, or canteens can motivate or demoralize their teams, so too do the dynamics within a household affect those who serve.

This may shed light on why certain individuals frequently encounter “servant problems,” struggling to recruit and retain staff while also finding it challenging to secure quality work. It’s worth considering whether these “servant problems” are, in fact, more closely related to the mistresses of the house. Observations reveal that the same people tend to voice grievances, while others consistently enjoy smooth relationships with their staff. This trend is not contingent on the size of the household; for example, the Lovejoys experience no issues despite employing just one maid. Conversely, a position at Brookmeadows is highly sought after, even though the Oldnames spend the majority of the year in the countryside. Similarly, there’s harmony at the Golden Hall and Great Estates, even though the latter is managed by a butler—a situation that often leads to conflicts. These households illustrate the range of staff, from one employee to nearly forty.

 

Those Who Experience Ongoing Challenges

For those who face continual challenges with staff, it can be beneficial to keep in mind some frequently overlooked principles. The foundation of a peaceful household must be built on fairness. Tasks should be distributed as evenly as possible; no single servant should enjoy privileges that others do not.

It’s equally unjust to be overly lenient as it is to be unreasonably strict. Tolerating rudeness or subpar work is unacceptable, just as being unnecessarily irritable or domineering is inappropriate. One of the most significant injustices is reprimanding staff due to your own bad mood, while letting more severe transgressions slide simply because you’re in a good mood.

Additionally, it’s inappropriate to “correct” a servant or a child in front of others. When addressing issues, it’s important to consider any mitigating circumstances that might warrant leniency.

In a well-equipped establishment like Golden Hall, every detail should be attended to. There’s little room for negligence, just as in a military setting. If a servant is ill, there are others available to fill their role. A large household operates like a finely-tuned machine, with roles assigned to ensure everything runs smoothly—whether it’s the secretary, housekeeper, chef, or butler.

In smaller homes, however, it may not be fair to chastise a maid named Selma for dirty silver when factors like a hot-air furnace or hosting guests have kept her busy. If unsure of her circumstances, you might approach the situation with trust, asking, “You haven’t had a chance to clean the silver, have you?” This gentle inquiry highlights the issue without coming across as a reprimand. However, negligence should not be ignored if you know she had adequate time to complete the task.

Another group that struggles with staff relationships is the overly suspicious individual, often locking everything away and treating staff members with distrust. This demeanor creates significant challenges, as a servant who feels monitored for fear of being unproductive or accused of gossiping is likely to feel pushed into behaviors that confirm those suspicions.

The ideal mistress expects exemplary service but often forgets that such service can only be willingly and cheerfully provided. She demonstrates to her staff the respect and trust owed to them as honorable, self-respecting individuals. If she has any reason to doubt their integrity, a lady should not keep them in her household.

 

Service Etiquette

A well-trained high-class servant presents a polished appearance, maintains a reserved demeanor, speaks softly, and moves swiftly yet quietly. They embody unfailing courtesy and respect. When approaching any door, including those of the library or sitting room, they always knock but proceed to open the door without waiting for a verbal response, as knocking is a mere courtesy. However, at a bedroom door, they pause for permission to enter. Upon answering a bell, they politely inquire, “Did you ring, sir?” or, in a more refined manner, “Did Madam ring?”

In conversation, a servant responds with “Yes, Madam,” or “Very good, sir,” steering clear of casual affirmations like “Yes,” “No,” or “Sure.” Young residents are addressed as “Miss Alice” or “Mr. Ollie,” often prefixed with “Miss” or “Mister” even in familiar contexts. Younger children receive titles such as Miss Kittie and Master Fred, though their nurse may call them by their first names until they reach adulthood.

All cards and small packages are presented on a tray to convey respect and care.

 

Breaks for Staff

While there may be some young women in remote areas who work tirelessly for meager pay, in urban settings, servants typically have designated time off. In well-managed households, they are also granted specific periods to receive friends at home. Each adequately equipped residence usually features a sitting room furnished with comfortable seating, appropriate lighting for reading, and a selection of books and magazines (which the family passes on after reading). This creates a welcoming space for staff, making it feel akin to a home environment. If a separate room isn’t available, the kitchen may have a table covered with a cloth, a light source, and a few cozy chairs.

 

Staff and Social Relationships

Are maids permitted to entertain male friends? Absolutely! The outdated notion that prohibited such interactions, compelling young women like Mary and Selma to meet their friends discreetly outside, reflects a severe misunderstanding of human nature. Any lady who enforces similar restrictions today remains ignorant of her responsibilities to those under her employment and care.

A young maid who occasionally invites male friends to play cards or dance softly to music in the kitchen is simply being treated with humanity. Wearing a uniform does not diminish her status as a young woman with a desire for fun and companionship. If her needs for social interaction are neglected at home, she may seek them in less reputable settings.

This duty is often overlooked by ladies preoccupied with charitable endeavors outside their homes. It’s important to maintain a balance; the kitchen should not transform into a hub of constant celebration that disrupts the tranquility of the household or neighborhood. Noise should be promptly managed, just as one would intervene if young guests in the drawing-room became rowdy. Continuous gatherings are also inappropriate, and those who take advantage of their privileges may face restrictions. Nonetheless, a truly high-class servant who fails to appreciate kindness and respond appropriately is quite rare.

 

Formal Service for Events

For occasions like weddings, balls, or significant teas and dinners, an awning typically extends from the curb to the front door. However, during pleasant weather, a red carpet is laid out from the front steps across the pavement to the curb for evening gatherings. At these important events, a chauffeur or a catering staff member stands ready on the sidewalk to open car doors, while a footman or waitress is positioned inside the house to greet and open the door for arriving guests. This same servant, or another stationed nearby, guides guests to the dressing rooms upon their arrival.

 

Dressing Rooms

Homes designed specifically for entertaining typically feature two small rooms on the ground floor, each equipped with a lavatory and a coat rack for hanging wraps and coats. In most residences, however, guests are directed upstairs to two designated bedrooms: one for ladies and the other for gentlemen to store their coats.

For afternoon teas in homes without architecturally designed dressing rooms, a coat rack—often rented from a caterer—may be placed at the end of a wide hall for gentlemen. Ladies, in this case, are expected to either enter the drawing room as they are or proceed upstairs to a bedroom managed by a lady’s maid or housemaid.

In larger gatherings, check systems are implemented in dressing rooms to minimize confusion, similar to those found in public coat check areas. The ladies’ dressing room, whether on the ground floor or upstairs, should include a variety of toiletries such as brushes and combs, strategically placed mirrors, hairpins, and powder along with individual cotton balls or a roll of cotton in a suitable receptacle. The lavatory should always provide fresh soap and an ample supply of small hand towels.

The lady’s personal maid, along with one or two assistants—depending on the size of the event—should be present to help guests with their wraps and distribute coat checks. Each assistant should be dressed neatly to reflect the event’s formality.

A lady’s maid should discreetly observe arriving guests for any wardrobe malfunctions. Without being overly obvious, she should be ready to assist if she notices anything amiss, such as a caught hem or an undone fastening. In such instances, she might say, “Excuse me, madam (or miss), but there’s a hook undone,” or “Your gown’s drapery is caught—may I help?” If a rip is detected, she should offer to mend it by saying, “I think there’s a loose thread; I can fix that quickly.”

A well-mannered maid downplays any mishap a guest encounters, showing the same consideration as the hostess. It’s natural for staff to adopt the demeanor of their employer.

In the gentlemen’s coat room of a well-appointed home, the valet adopts a similar approach. If a gentleman’s coat suffers any damage, the valet might say, “Let me take care of that for you, sir; it will only take a moment!” He then carefully removes the coat and brings it to a maid, asking her to make a quick repair. While waiting, he continues with his duties until the coat is ready, at which point he assists the gentleman in putting it back on.

In smaller country homes where dressing room space is limited, charming tables inspired by vintage designs can be particularly useful. These tables, which can be found at the back of the downstairs hall or in a small lavatory, appear as ordinary tables when closed. However, when the top is lifted, a mirror swings forward, revealing a series of compartments and trays, both deep and shallow, on either side. The trays are stocked with hairpins, safety pins, and powder, while the compartments hold items such as sunburn lotion, liquid powder, brushes, combs, and any other essentials the hostess considers necessary for her guests.

 

The Announcement of Guests

The butler’s role involves standing near the entrance of the reception or drawing room. As each guest arrives—unless he is already familiar with them—he inquires, “May I have your name, please?” After receiving the response, he escorts the guest into the room where the hostess is welcoming attendees and clearly announces, “Mr. and Mrs. Jones.” If Mrs. Jones arrives ahead of her husband, the butler will first say, “Mrs. Jones!” and then wait for Mr. Jones to join before announcing him.

During larger gatherings, such as a ball, tea, or concert, the butler remains just outside the drawing room. The hostess positions herself just inside, and as guests arrive, the butler announces each name as they pass through the door.

In some areas, it is customary for waitstaff to make announcements. However, in New York, guests are typically not announced in the absence of male servants. For significant events like balls or teas, if a hostess does not have a butler at home, she typically hires one for the occasion. For example, if she is hosting a ball for her daughter with many young guests, she may not recognize a large portion of them by sight, making announcements essential rather than merely formal.

 

The Announcement of Dinner

When the butler enters the dining room to announce dinner, he acknowledges the hostess with a bow if he catches her attention. Otherwise, he approaches her within speaking distance and states, “Dinner is served,” refraining from saying, “Dinner is ready.”

At large dinners where guests may need to navigate around the table to find their seats, the butler stands just inside the dining room. He either reads from a list or relies on memory to direct each gentleman and lady as they approach by saying “right” or “left,” as appropriate. In some of the most elegant homes, a practice inspired by royal traditions involves creating a seating plan displayed in the front hall.

This plan is shared with each gentleman when he collects the envelope containing his dinner partner’s name. The seating chart is usually a leather diagram with white name cards that fit into designated spaces, allowing the gentleman to see exactly where he will be seated and between whom. This advance notice gives him the opportunity to ask the host to introduce him to anyone he does not know.

At the end of the evening, the butler should be stationed at the front door. By this time, he should ideally have memorized the guests’ names, especially if he is an exemplary butler. As Mr. and Mrs. Jones exit, he opens the door and calls to the chauffeur, “Mr. Jones’ car!” Similarly, he will announce “Mr. Smith’s car!” or “Miss Gilding’s car!” When a car arrives at the door, the chauffeur ascends the steps to inform the butler of whose car it is—either “Miss Gilding’s car” or “Mrs. Jones’ car.” The butler then announces to Mr. or Mrs. Jones, “Your car, sir,” or “Your car, madam,” while holding the door open for them to exit. If Miss Gilding’s car arrives first, he may say, “Your car, Miss.”

 

Dining Room Service at Private Entertainments

During a ball held in a grand residence spacious enough for the event, the butler oversees the supper service once his duties of announcing guests are completed. The sit-down supper at such an occasion mirrors the formalities of a dinner or a wedding breakfast, while a buffet supper during a dance resembles the buffet typically found at a wedding reception.

At large tea gatherings, if the butler is busy announcing guests while others enter the dining room for refreshments, the responsibility for dining room service is delegated to the first footman and his team. Alternatively, a competent waitress can manage the situation effectively. She should be supported by at least two maids, as their duties include pouring tea, bouillon, and chocolate, as well as clearing used cups and plates, and ensuring that the food on the table is regularly replenished.

In smaller tea events where ladies serve tea themselves, having one staff member—be it a man or maid—in the dining room is sufficient to bring in additional hot water, fresh cups, or any other items the hostesses require.

 

Formal Service Without Male Servants

Many meticulous hosts residing in spacious homes who frequently entertain choose not to employ male servants or caterers. Efficient women can perform roles traditionally assigned to men, although two specific services are typically not carried out by women: they do not announce guests or open the doors of vehicles in New York, at least. However, the operational details of the pantry, dining room, hall, and dressing room remain unchanged regardless of whether the staff consists of men or women. (Of course, women do not work in the gentlemen’s dressing rooms.)

At an evening gathering, the door is opened by a waitress, who is supported by a parlormaid directing guests to the dressing rooms. When guests are ready to enter the drawing room, they approach the hostess without any announcement. A guest who is not known by sight will not wait for the hostess to recognize her; instead, she will introduce herself directly, saying, “How do you do, Mrs. Eminent, I’m Mrs. Joseph Blank.” A young girl may simply state, “I am Constance Style” (omitting “Miss” unless she is older than her twenties), while a married woman introduces herself as “Mrs. Town,” without needing to include her husband’s name, as it is assumed that the gentleman accompanying her is Mr. Town.

 

 

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