Behavior at the opera the theater and other public gatherings

Behavior at the opera the theater and other public gatherings , Attending the opera, aside from religious ceremonies, requires the utmost display of poise and decorum for both men and women. For gentlemen in particular, the standards of behavior and appearance are highly demanding.

 

 

Behavior at the opera the theater and other public gatherings

While strolling through the foyer of the opera house, a gentleman leaves his coat in the box or at his seat in the orchestra, but always keeps his top hat on. Although the collapsible hat is typically meant for use in the seats, it can be worn in the boxes if a silk hat is unavailable. A gentleman must be dressed in full formal attire: tailcoat, white waistcoat, white tie, and white gloves. The only other occasions for wearing white gloves are at a ball or when serving as an usher at a wedding.

Guests usually dine with their hostess before heading to the opera, arriving together as a group. Upon arrival, the gentlemen help the ladies remove their wraps, and one of the men (whoever is closest) pulls back the curtain separating the ante-room from the box. The ladies enter first, followed by the gentlemen, with the last one closing the curtain behind them. If there are multiple ladies, the hostess seats the most distinguished or eldest guest in the corner nearest the stage. The hostess herself sits furthest from the stage, while the third lady remains standing in the center until one of the gentlemen places a chair for her between the other two.

It is also the responsibility of the gentlemen to ensure the curtains at the back of the box remain tightly drawn, as light from the ante-room can be distracting to other members of the audience across the theater.

A gentleman never takes a seat in the front row of a box, even if he is temporarily alone.

Regarding visiting etiquette at the opera, it is customary for a gentleman who is a guest in one box to visit friends in other boxes during the intermissions. He may only visit ladies he is acquainted with and should never enter a box where he knows only the men, expecting to be introduced to the women. For example, if Arthur Norman wants to introduce a friend, James Dawson, to Mrs. Gilding in her box, he must first ask her permission to bring his friend along. Importantly, Dawson should not be referred to as “Mr. Dawson” unless he is considerably older. A lady’s opera box is considered her personal space, similar to her home, and only those who are welcome in her home should be invited into her box.

It is acceptable for a gentleman to enter a stranger’s box to greet a lady friend, just as he would visit her if she were staying in someone else’s home. However, he should not enter a box to greet a lady with whom he only has a slight acquaintance, as casual visits are not appropriate when the lady herself is a guest. When a gentleman enters a box, the person seated behind the lady he is visiting should always offer up their chair. Additionally, a gentleman should never leave the ladies in his own box unattended.

There are times when the gentlemen in a box, such as Mrs. Gilding’s, may have given up their seats to visitors and gone to visit other boxes, like Mrs. Worldly’s, Mrs. Jones’, or Mrs. Town’s. In such situations, they should keep an eye on their hostess, Mrs. Gilding, and return to her box promptly when her visitors begin to leave, even if it means leaving the other ladies they are momentarily visiting. Likewise, the men accompanying Mrs. Worldly, Mrs. Jones, or Mrs. Town should return to their own parties when needed.

A gentleman should never remain in a box he does not belong to once the lights dim and the performance begins. Despite what some cartoons might suggest, proper decorum forbids talking during the performance or overture. Those arriving late or leaving before the final curtain should do so as quietly as possible and without speaking.

A “brilliant opera night” typically refers to an evening when all the boxes are filled, and the ladies are dressed more elaborately than usual. This often coincides with a fashionable event, such as a ball hosted by social figures like Mrs. Worldly, Mrs. Gilding, or Mrs. Toplofty. On such nights, many of the box holders arrive in their ball gowns, adorned with an impressive array of jewels. The evening may also be considered especially dazzling if a renowned singer is debuting in a new role, or if a notable figure, such as when Marshal Joffre attended the Metropolitan, is present.

 

After the Performance:
At least one gentleman from the group must remain in the carriage lobby until all the ladies in his party have departed. Under no circumstances should the “last” gentleman leave a lady standing alone on the sidewalk. If any ladies do not have a private car, it becomes the hostess’s responsibility to ensure they get home, although this does not apply to married couples or unaccompanied men. However, if a married woman or widow has arranged for her own car, any gentleman remaining with her should wait until it arrives. It is courteous for the lady to offer him a ride, but it is equally acceptable for her to simply thank him for waiting and leave on her own.

 

At the Theater:
In New York, those from the highest circles of fashion rarely occupy boxes at the theater. While the fashionable elite can often be found in parterre boxes at the opera, at horse shows, or attending charity balls and events, those sitting in theater boxes tend to be “outsiders” or “visitors” rather than the city’s social elite.

There is little debate that the best seats in the theater are in the center of the orchestra section. In modern times, with the absence of hats, boxes offer few advantages. While sitting in a box allows a group to stay together and makes it easier for gentlemen to step out between acts, these conveniences don’t compensate for the fact that three or four of the six occupants have only a limited view of the stage.

 

Dinner and a Play
One of the most popular and enjoyable ways to entertain guests is by inviting them to “dine and go to the play.” Many people prefer this over the opera, as more individuals tend to enjoy the theater than classical music.

When a bachelor hosts a small theater party, he usually takes his guests to a trendy and lively restaurant, such as the Fitz-Cherry. However, a married couple who own their own home often prefer to host dinner there, unless they belong to the “restaurant-obsessed” crowd of New York. For instance, the Gildings, despite having one of the best chefs in the city, are more likely to dine out at a restaurant before heading to a play or to go out for supper afterward. On the other hand, the Normans typically host dinner at home when they invite guests for dinner and a play.

A theater party can vary in size, but the most common number of guests is six or eight. Invitations are typically extended over the phone, such as: “Will Mr. and Mrs. Lovejoy join Mr. and Mrs. Norman for dinner at 7:30 on Tuesday and then attend the play?” Alternatively, it could be: “Will Mr. and Mrs. Oldname dine with Mr. Clubwin Doe on Saturday at the Toit d’Or and attend the play afterward?”

Once Mr. and Mrs. Oldname accept the invitation, they are informed that dinner will be at 7:30. In the case of Mrs. Norman, guests arrive at her home for dinner. Meanwhile, Mr. Doe’s guests meet him at the foyer of the Toit d’Or. Regardless of the location, the host always ensures his guests are taken to the theater afterward.

If the hostess does not have her own car, a guest may offer, “Shall I have the car come back for us?” Depending on the closeness of the relationship, the hostess may respond either with, “Yes, thank you very much,” or more formally, “No, thank you, I’ve arranged for taxis.” Either option is acceptable based on the situation and the hostess’s preference.

Mr. Doe typically takes his guests to the theater in taxis. In contrast, if the Normans only have the Lovejoys over, they may travel in Mrs. Norman’s small town car. However, if there are six or eight guests, the ladies use her car, while the gentlemen follow in a taxi—unless, of course, prominent guests like Mrs. Worldly or Mrs. Gilding are present and choose to send their own cars back.

 

Tickets Bought in Advance:
Before inviting guests to a play, a hostess should ensure that good tickets are available. It’s also advisable to choose a new or fresh performance, as it’s less enjoyable for guests to attend something they have already seen. This is relatively easy in cities with frequent new productions, but in New York, where shows may run for a year or more, the decision often comes down to choosing between an older, well-received play or a newer, less promising one. If the guests are close friends, it’s common for the hostess to ask what they’d prefer to see and then attempt to secure tickets accordingly.

It’s essential to note that one should never invite people to a public event and then expect to stand in line for tickets on the day of the performance.

 

Entering the Theater Aisle:
The host, or the gentleman holding the tickets (if no host is present, the hostess will usually hand the tickets to one of the men before leaving her house), leads the group down the aisle and hands the tickets to the usher. The others follow in the order they are to sit, which the hostess should organize beforehand. It is crucial that each person knows their place, especially if the group arrives after the performance has started. If the hostess forgets the seating arrangement, the guests should ask before walking down the aisle, “How would you like us to sit?” This avoids awkward moments where guests block the aisle while sorting out seats. It’s even worse if the hostess sends the ladies ahead, only to have the men stumble across them to reach their seats.

Seating in the theater is about practicality, not precedence. The person sitting furthest from the aisle goes first, whether it’s a man or a woman. Then the second furthest follows, and so on, until the gentleman with the tickets, if he is next, takes his turn, followed by the remaining guests.

If a gentleman is attending the theater with just his wife, the order in which they walk down the aisle depends on where the usher is located. If the usher collects tickets at the aisle entrance, the lady follows the usher. If not, the gentleman goes first with the tickets, and when they reach their seats, he steps aside for his wife to sit first. A lady never takes the aisle seat when accompanied by a gentleman.

 

Theater Etiquette: Good Manners
When moving past seated individuals, always face the stage and keep as close to the backs of the seats in front as possible. Be mindful not to let coats or other items brush against those seated in front of you, especially in dark settings like movie theaters, where an errant coat can disrupt someone’s hair.

If someone stands to let you pass, express your gratitude by saying, “Thank you,” “Thank you very much,” or “I’m very sorry.” Avoid saying “Pardon me!” or “Beg pardon!” as these phrases are less appropriate in polite society. The proper phrase, “I beg your pardon,” should only be used if you’ve caused an inconvenience, like brushing against them or spilling something. The abbreviation “Beg pardon” is not considered polite.

Gentlemen who wish to leave their seats frequently during the performance should select aisle seats. Those who return after the performance has resumed disrupt the view for others and inconvenience those who must stand to let them by. Many theatergoers leave to smoke between acts, but those seated far from the aisle who exit every time the curtain falls are inconsiderate. In a five-act play, it’s reasonable to leave during two intermissions at most and always return before the next act begins.

 

Inconsiderate Behaviors: Talking and Giggling
Whispering, rustling programs, and giggling during a performance are among the most disruptive behaviors. Younger audiences often attend the theater in groups, called theater parties, and unintentionally spoil the experience for those seated nearby. If a group wants to talk and laugh, they might as well gather at home, set up chairs, and enjoy themselves without disturbing others.

If people behind you insist on talking, it’s generally ineffective to turn and glare, especially if you’re younger or if the talkers are young themselves—they may even find it amusing. Instead, politely say, “I’m sorry, but I can’t hear with the talking.” If they persist, you can request assistance from an usher or manager.

It’s important to realize that conversations, even slightly louder than a whisper, can be easily overheard by those sitting in front. People discussing personal or private matters should keep this in mind.

That said, most theatergoers are well-behaved, arriving on time, removing their coats quickly, and quietly settling into their seats. They are just as interested in the performance as you are. Still, a particularly disruptive presence at the movies is someone who reads every caption aloud for all to hear.

 

Appropriate Attire for the Theater
During evening performances in New York, women typically wear dinner dresses while men don dinner jackets, often referred to as tuxedos. While formal attire isn’t strictly required, those attending a ball afterwards may choose to visit the theater first, provided they don’t draw too much attention. A lady in a ball gown adorned with jewels should refrain from elaborate hair accessories and should keep a wrap or a sufficiently opaque scarf draped over her shoulders to maintain a low profile. Conversely, a gentleman in formal wear is not likely to stand out.

When discussing theater attire, it’s worth noting that grooming and primping in public spaces have become commonplace, reflective of a culture that often expects such displays. Audiences accustomed to seeing characters changing outfits on stage may subconsciously adopt similar habits themselves. In previous generations, adjusting a hatpin or checking one’s reflection in public was seen as a sign of poor breeding. Young women were taught to complete their preparations privately. However, today, many young women can be seen adjusting their makeup and hair in theaters, restaurants, and other public venues—actions that would have previously barred them from polite society. Figures like Mrs. Oldname or Mrs. Worldly would not be imagined “preening” in public. While they dress beautifully and carefully, they avoid looking in mirrors or checking their appearance outside of their dressing rooms. Fortunately, well-bred young women such as Lucy Gilding, Constance Style, Celia Lovejoy, and Mary Smartlington maintain this standard, refraining from any public touch-ups.

 

The Courtesy of Sending Tickets in Advance
Many individuals occasionally feel “obligated” to acquire tickets for various charity events—be it balls, theatrical performances, concerts, or pageants. If they do not plan to attend, they may choose to pass their tickets on to others. When offering tickets, it’s important to keep in mind that a late-night message—like, “Can you use two tickets for the Russian ballet tonight?” sent at seven o’clock—may not hold the same appeal for those who have already settled into their evening plans at home. If someone like Celia has decided not to curl her hair and Donald has sent his only tuxedo for repairs that morning, it’s unlikely they will feel thrilled at such last-minute options. Similarly, offering an opera box the morning of the performance poses an even greater challenge; finding four music enthusiasts to fill the seats at such short notice, especially during peak season, is a daunting task.

 

A Grand Theater Party
Hosting a large theater party is a cherished tradition for debutantes. When extending invitations to fifty guests or more, it’s common to use engraved invitations to add a touch of formality and elegance to the occasion.

 

 

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BEHAVIOR ON THE STREET AND IN PUBLIC